Referrals Don’t Come From Conversation Stoppers
Meet someone you know, whether at a business event or restaurant, and right away you’ll be asked the ubiquitous “How’s it going?”
My answer has been “Busy! We’ve just got no time to breath we’re so busy!”
And then I started watching the result of my answer:
it stopped conversation.
Really.
If you ask, and I give you this answer, you’ll nod, and smile, and move on.
That is not the way to get referrals!
It’s been hard, but I’m training myself to say “This week I’m working with a client who . . .”
with the speed and ease I used to blurt out “Busy!”
It’s been hard to change the habit because
- It’s a habit after all.
That means I do it without thinking.
Now I have to think.
Thinking is hard. - I feel valued by my work, and by my busy-ness.
If I’m not busy, I’m not valued.
Therefore, I want to be busy.
(Show-off.)
I’m eager to hear your thoughts.
Have you already had this epiphany?
If yes, how did you get into a new habit?
If no, is this concept resonating with you?
Tell me why.
This is absolutely true! Everyone answers “busy” – yet it gives no useful information, and then adds to the bad feeling I get when I think about myself “being busy” & wondering where all the time goes.
I remember a former colleague would say “dodging bullets” as his reply. At least that gets a laugh & makes some sort of a human connection.
If you are going to give an actual answer – like “I’m doing some of the best work of my life with my client at CDC,” be prepared for the person to not know what to say – they likely didn’t expect a meaningful response to their question & didn’t plan to have a long conversation (after all – they’re BUSY). So, be brief, but informative.
Thanks for the comments Jeff – one of my emerging areas of study is on how humor effects business-generating credibility. (More on that later!)
As I read your response, “I’m doing some of the best work of my life with my client at CDC” I cataloged a few of the answers that came up in my head—what I think I would have replied if we’d been standing, talking, in a room full of people:
[1] It must feel fabulous to be working at such a high level.
[2] How exciting, What is the project?
[3] That’s great! What are you working on?
So, I think your answer would generate a [a] profitable conversation for you and an [b] interesting one for me.
I’m eager to see if anyone feels that response would stop conversation. More valuable, though, let’s use it and see what the real life results are!
Best – W!
Terrific answer Wendy – I’ve been asked this question non stop lately – I’m going to use your example. “How’s it going”… “Just amazing. We’ve seen a huge increase in kids coming in for care now that school’s let out.” I’m thinking this should start one of my most common questions – and a lead in for an infominute… “You mean, kids need chiropractic care?”…
I love it!
On a lighter note I will share with you one of my favorite responses from a friend of mine. “How’s it going?” “Terrific, but let me reassure you it has everything to do with my state of mind and nothing to do with my circumstances”… Makes me laugh just thinking about it…. we must keep a positive state of mind!
Dr. Andreone, great script! Let me know your results. Eagerly – W!
Wow. What a way to shake up the day. Everyone asks “How’s it going?”
but there are few authentic and truly helpful answers. I’m going to be present the next time I’m asked and use your response and watch what happens to the asker and to myself.
This is useful and helpful. Can’t wait to try it.
Fred
Can’t wait to hear your results, Fred!
Y’know, Wendy? Up to this very second, I’ve hated that question, and EVERYONE asks it. Now, I have a great way to respond and start (instead of stop) a conversation.
I’ll use it tonight before my presentation.
Thanks for thinking about this when I didn’t!
So Sid, the next question to ask ourselves is:
what question we should ask instead . . .
because I think I do mindlessly ask “how’s it going.”
I’d like to change that habit, too.
This is excellent feedback! I had already been thinking how I could help people to know that although I AM busy, I will make time for them or for their referral. Certainly don’t have time for idle chatter (which makes me crazy!) but do enjoy it when someone forces me to ‘stop and smell the roses!’. I can’t wait for my next ‘event’ and can use this newfound tactic and see what happens. Help! I also want to hear feedback on changing the habit of asking the other person ‘how they are too!”
Tracee, what a great thought assignment.
In the spring I start asking “Do you have great vacation plans for this summer?” and in the fall I inquire “Do you have great plans for the holidays?”
What are some other phrases we could use instead of “What’s new with you?”