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Referrals Don’t Come From Conversation Stoppers

May16

Meet someone you know, whether at a business event or restaurant, and right away you’ll be asked the ubiquitous “How’s it going?”

My answer has been “Busy! We’ve just got no time to breath we’re so busy!”

And then I started watching the result of my answer:
it stopped conversation.
Really.
If you ask, and I give you this answer, you’ll nod, and smile, and move on.

That is not the way to get referrals!

It’s been hard, but I’m training myself to say “This week I’m working with a client who . . .”
with the speed and ease I used to blurt out “Busy!”

It’s been hard to change the habit because

  1. It’s a habit after all.
    That means I do it without thinking.
    Now I have to think.
    Thinking is hard.
  2. I feel valued by my work, and by my busy-ness.
    If I’m not busy, I’m not valued.
    Therefore, I want to be busy.
    (Show-off.)

I’m eager to hear your thoughts.
Have you already had this epiphany?
If yes, how did you get into a new habit?
If no, is this concept resonating with you?
Tell me why.

posted under Thoughts
4 Comments to

“Referrals Don’t Come From Conversation Stoppers”

  1. On June 4th, 2010 at 10:00 am Jeff Lebow Says:

    This is absolutely true! Everyone answers “busy” – yet it gives no useful information, and then adds to the bad feeling I get when I think about myself “being busy” & wondering where all the time goes.

    I remember a former colleague would say “dodging bullets” as his reply. At least that gets a laugh & makes some sort of a human connection.

    If you are going to give an actual answer – like “I’m doing some of the best work of my life with my client at CDC,” be prepared for the person to not know what to say – they likely didn’t expect a meaningful response to their question & didn’t plan to have a long conversation (after all – they’re BUSY). So, be brief, but informative.

  2. On June 4th, 2010 at 1:58 pm Wendy Kinney Says:

    Thanks for the comments Jeff – one of my emerging areas of study is on how humor effects business-generating credibility. (More on that later!)

    As I read your response, “I’m doing some of the best work of my life with my client at CDC” I cataloged a few of the answers that came up in my head—what I think I would have replied if we’d been standing, talking, in a room full of people:

    [1] It must feel fabulous to be working at such a high level.
    [2] How exciting, What is the project?
    [3] That’s great! What are you working on?

    So, I think your answer would generate a [a] profitable conversation for you and an [b] interesting one for me.

    I’m eager to see if anyone feels that response would stop conversation. More valuable, though, let’s use it and see what the real life results are!

    Best – W!

  3. On June 6th, 2010 at 4:20 pm Chris Andreone Says:

    Terrific answer Wendy – I’ve been asked this question non stop lately – I’m going to use your example. “How’s it going”… “Just amazing. We’ve seen a huge increase in kids coming in for care now that school’s let out.” I’m thinking this should start one of my most common questions – and a lead in for an infominute… “You mean, kids need chiropractic care?”…

    I love it!

    On a lighter note I will share with you one of my favorite responses from a friend of mine. “How’s it going?” “Terrific, but let me reassure you it has everything to do with my state of mind and nothing to do with my circumstances”… Makes me laugh just thinking about it…. we must keep a positive state of mind!

  4. On June 7th, 2010 at 9:25 am Wendy Kinney Says:

    Dr. Andreone, great script! Let me know your results. Eagerly – W!

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