Here is the audio file of our conversation:

And here is the workbook in case you need to print another copy.

Wendy Kinney – SuccessPrints Workbook – EMC2

Eager to hear your success stories.

Ready . . . Set . . . Go Make Money  ~  W!

None of my clients came to me to learn.

They want referrals–but they don’t want to have to do anything different, or uncomfortable or hard to get them.

It happened again this morning:
Twenty-five people at the table. Several asking for the leftover handouts; several saying thank you; and one
(Again . . . this isn’t the first time for her. That’s common too.)
who interrupted a conversation with two other people to make sure we all knew that this is haaarrrd for her.

Okay.
So?

I have to do some shower thinking about this.

What are her options here?
And what are mine?

We are not Cirque du Soliel novices; we expected contortions and clowns, a unique language and bizarre music.

And, in addition to that great entertainment I picked up five valuable learning points:

1- Reaction could take a few repeats. Six girls with kiwis ran out and began to do amazing things. (I know, that sentence sounds bizarre, but it was Cirque!) They completed amazing thing number one without an audience reaction, and morphed smoothly into more amazing thing number two. A few audience noises–not much–and they moved to totally amazing thing number three. Still not much noise from seats, but that changed with number four.

Good for us they didn’t need instant validation to go to the second part.

Good reminder not to stop at one, or two, or three if I’m not getting roaring applause.

2- There are new things. Things that haven’t been done. and you could do them. As a repeat visitor I kinda-sorta thought I’d seen most every way the human body could contort. Not! Watching the girl with the silks brought an awe response from everyone.

There are ne ideas to think.

You (and I) could think and do them.

3- Several years ago
John Molidor showed that the common conception about Mehrabian’s research is wrong . . . and at breakfast a year ago he pointed me to Mehrabian’s own website for clarification. The common misinterpretation is that 70% of meaning is communicated without words. (Not true. It’s 70% of |liking| that is communicated non-verbally.)

But tonight I watched several hundred people follow every meaning without understanding a single word. (Well, we knew what WOW! meant.)

A reminder that even though the misconception is wrong . . . it’s still right. It is important to use tone and rhythm and guesture and movement with purpose. Those bits do send meaning, and they can be interpreted.

4- Professionals practice. A lot. And then some more.

Recently I was interviewed for a book about professional speaking. The interviewer asked if I was a “from the hip” speaker, and I replied that I don’t know any professional who is. The interviewer persisted with questions about practice making a speaker appear stilted, and tonight’s Cirque performance prooved that doesn’t happen.

There is no doubt these gymnasts were well practiced, and then a little more.

And it was that level of confidence that allowed performers who were (spoiler deleted) to turn and smile at the audience with enjoyment.

5- It’s okay to start before you’re ready.

If you’ve seen a couple of Cirque shows you may have already picked up on the pattern, but it didn’t click for me until tonight.

There is a loudspeaker announcement that the show will be starting in 15 minutes; then another in 5. But you know how people are, they wait, and que, and that causes delays.

Cirque has a system for that. On time, when they say it will, the show starts with performers mingling among the seats. (Tonight actors with butterfly nets were trying to catch other actors waving butterflies. You kinda had to be there.)

So while our attention was on the show, and the lights were still up, straglers were seated without being disrespectful to people who were in their seats before showtime.

For every problem there is a solution.
Professionals invent it, and practice it, and enjoy it, and we beat a path to their door to show our respect with patronage.

Bravo Cirque du Soleil.

My answer has been “Busy! We’ve just got no time to breath we’re so busy!”

And then I started watching the result of my answer:
it stopped conversation.
Really.
If you ask, and I give you this answer, you’ll nod, and smile, and move on.

That is not the way to get referrals!

It’s been hard, but I’m training myself to say “This week I’m working with a client who . . .”
with the speed and ease I used to blurt out “Busy!”

It’s been hard to change the habit because

1. It’s a habit after all.
   That means I do it without thinking.
   Now I have to think.
   Thinking is hard.
2. I feel valued by my work, and by my busy-ness.
   If I’m not busy, I’m not valued.
   Therefore, I want to be busy.
   (Show-off.)

I’m eager to hear your thoughts.
Have you already had this epiphany?
If yes, how did you get into a new habit?
If no, is this concept resonating with you?
Tell me why.

What a treat she is!
What a fun read.
Lots to learn.
And look at that funky calendar on the right–
It’s called Human Calendar, a guy in Portland does it.

I think, if I click like this, and hold my mouth just . . . so . . .

Individually the 200 people don’t think about anyone but them self.
That’s natural.
They don’t know our focus in on them and their benefit; they simply don’t give this the same value we do.
That’s natural too.

When one of them cancels at the last minute, with the self-validating reason “I know all this,  just give me the handouts, I don’t need your information” I admit to being susceptible to a deep blue funk.
I think that’s natural, too.
And I try my very best to suck it up, understand, and get over myself.

But this post isn’t about whining . . . really!
This post is to say thank you to the two people who lifted me out of self pity.

The first was Hildee Isaacs.
At 7:34 on Sunday morning she sent an email:

“I never thought to email visitors a copy of my InfoMinute! I will definitely do this in the future, thanks!

I thought your entire team did a highly energized, well informed and professional training. I wish it could have been 30 minutes longer to allow for more Q & A.

Thanks for the opportunities you offer me!”

Here’s what made me sing with a smile: she told me where she got value.
She didn’t say “good info” –not much value in that–she said “I never thought to email visitors a copy of my InfoMinute! I will definitely do this in the future.”
That’s her value.
I need to know that she gets value.
Her ROI is my focus.

Next she complimented my team.
Oh, I’m grateful for that.
They’ve worked so hard, and for her to notice makes it worthwhile.
And then . . .  then, she asked for more! More! 30 minutes MORE!
She validated the benefit!

YOWZA!
My feet still hurt,
my hips are still sore,
I’m not looking forward to the 4am alarm clock to set up tables,
or schlepping in six 2.5 gallon water jugs in the rain,
or coming back to a InBox that will take three days to respond to…

But I don’t care, because she got benefit. YAY!

Two hours later Dan Hagaman’s email hit my box:

“I am scheduled to attend officer training on Monday and am unfortunately stuck in Baltimore due to the snow storm of the century. It will be Monday evening before I will be able to get a flight back to Atlanta. I really never dreamed that I would be stuck in Baltimore. What can I do about the training? Any way to reschedule something for middle of the week before my Team’s regulary scheduled meeting on Friday? Please let me know. Thank you!!!”

Thank you, Dan Hagaman.

Thank  for letting me know with a reason–before, instead of an excuse–after.
Thank you for suggesting a quick recoup.
Thank you for validating what you missed, and wanting to have it before you need it.

Perhaps not coincidentally Hildee and Dan are on the same Team. I’m betting their like responses are an indication of great Team leadership. So, my loud THANK YOU to the leaders who carry the torch.

Happier now, in my head, I’m thinking of how I could be more like Hildee and more like Dan.
For that list, I solicit your help.
What could I do that would validate your hard work, the work I don’t even know you do? What pulls you out of an “is this even worth it?” funk?

Grateful, and eager to see your ideas,  W!

]]> http://blog.wendykinney.com/index.php/2010/02/the-way-you-make-me-feel-the-way-i-want-to-make-you-feel/feed/ 0 http://blog.wendykinney.com/index.php/2010/01/sway-the-irresistible-pull-of-irrational-behavior/ http://blog.wendykinney.com/index.php/2010/01/sway-the-irresistible-pull-of-irrational-behavior/#comments Sun, 17 Jan 2010 17:49:10 +0000 Wendy http://blog.wendykinney.com/?p=311 Veronica stopped by my desk with this book in her hands. “I know you’re busy, but you’re going to want to read chapter four,  it explains why paying for referrals doesn’t work–the altruistic part of the brain and the work part of the brain are in two different areas. And you might want to look at just this part in chapter 7 . . .”
She had me at read.

We are in the middle of a massive project right now, so the book traveled in my extra bag—back and forth from the loft to the office–then down to Florida and back–and then one day when I couldn’t make it to the gym I hopped on the Airdyne and brought Sway (and a diving magazine, and a pen catalog) along for the ride.

She was right, I wanted to read it.
Starting with page 47 I got empirical support for the script I use to close InfoMinute Seminar.

You might want to read Sway

• for validation that it is the fear of loss that makes us give a list (not the reality of profit) check out page 28.  (And stop listing.)
• to remind yourself not to share what didn’t happen (only what could have) look at page 104. (And start smiling more.)
• to justify the effort and time, and the hard work of thinking, that you put into preparing and perfecting every word of every marketing message, look at page  72. (I had typed 84, and 119, and 72, before I remembered the rule about the list.)
• to give yourself hope and motivation in the pursuit of referrals, check out page 171. (Stay the course. It’s worth it.)
• for leadership tips, page 28. (Get the exact results you want.)

The video Masters of Persuasion illustrates the power. I’m eager to hear your thoughts.

Every review I’ve read compares Sway to Predictably Irrational, Blink and Nudge. If you like those, along with Wisdom of Crowds, SuperCrunchers, and Freakonomics, you want to read this, too.

Just finished the chapter on leaving a group profitably
for my new book
Exceptional Networking: Get In Touch, Stay In Touch, Make It Count

How to leave a group profitably.

• Download the .pdf.
• Read.
• Come back here to comment.

I’m up for every kind of feedback.

1. Tell me what isn’t clear; what you had to re-read.
2. Let me know what questions aren’t answered.
3. And yes, let me know if you find typos.
   

This chapter is at the stage where every form of feedback is valuable.

<deep breath>
Let me have it!

Gratefully,  W!

It sounded . . . interesting (and a little bizarre, which is always interesting to me) so I added You Can Read A Face Like A Book to my que. It’s a long list. I hadn’t gotten back to it.

Thursday George came back from BBA with a book, for me!
And since a book on the desk is worth 171 on the list,
I popped it into that bag o’ stuff that travels where I do.

What Shelle Charvet did for communication with words Naomi Tickle has done with faces.

And as usefully.

One trait at a time, at first, (whether someone is able to sit at a desk for long periods or needs to be active during the day) then comparing traits, (the difference between liking to analyze or preferring to get right to the point) Naomi teaches three things:

1. How to identify the characteristic
2. How to use the knowledge about yourself
   
3. How to use the knowledge with children and others.
   

Today we got the invitation for my Aunt and Uncle’s 50th anniversary celebration, sporting their wedding picture and my Aunt Marcia’s distinctive eyebrows.  I remember being fascinated by her eyebrows as a very young child. Now I know they signal the Design Appreciation trait. Initially this didn’t jive. I wanted to find a picture of George’s Mom, who, had she been born 50 years later, would certainly have become an architect. Aunt Marcia doesn’t seem to have  . . .

“The Design Appreciation trait indicates an innate appreciation for
how things are structured. An individual with this innate ability
has a sense of the overall structure of whatever interests him or her.”

Well, that describes Aunt Marcia.

• Before I was in first grade she taught me how to make potato chips.
• After college she taught me how to read a story to a baby.

And how helpful it would be, if I were trying to sell her something, to know she will want to understand the how and the why of the system before making her decision.

Last week included a funeral service. Of the 98 people in my line of sight only one had Backward Balance, a time orientation trait indicating that decisions will be made based on what has happened in the past more than what is happening in the present or what could happen in the future.

Only one.
Of 98.
Yet, it’s common sense to describe our past success to to prospects.

Could common sense be wrong?

I’ve got a feeling this book will travel in the bag o’ stuff
for a while yet before it finds a home on a shelf.
(You could have known that from the shape of my lips.)